57: DarwinAwards

14 04 2009

Taken from Darwinawards.com
Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

Modus Operandi Misfires:

(01 March 1998) Randy Nestor, 28, was a considerate car thief. When the stolen cars became hot, he didn’t just abandon them, he torched them. Setting the cars on fire, he reasoned, helped the owners collect insurance on their vehicles. This criminal habit became his downfall. After a 10-year career of theft, Randy burned to death in Pittsburgh, PA in a van which he had set fire to from the inside. He hadn’t realized that the door handle on the driver’s side was broken. Friends tried to release him, but the door was locked. His burned body was found inside the van on Sunday.





56:DarwinAwards

1 03 2009

By Chrystal Kinsella

Taken from Darwinawards.com
A Cushioned Blow
(13 October 2008, Germany) Smoking kills… if you try hard enough. A 42 year old man was badly injured by his air mattress one morning. The previous night he had inflated the punctured mattress with a tire repair spray which, like all solvent-based aerosols, is flammable. Furthermore, he did this while keeping the windows tightly closed in his loft apartment. The next morning, this airhead lit a smoke before he opened the valve to deflate the air mattress. The resulting explosion wrecked most of the furnishings, part of the roof, and blew a window from the wall. The damage was so severe that a structural engineer condemned the flat. Narrowly missing a “full-blown” Darwin Award, our hero was taken to a burn care unit, and managed to survive this incident.
The telephone company was replacing above-ground telephone lines with buried lines. In one sparsely populated farming area, if lines crossed a country road they would dig a trench halfway across, so rural traffic could continue through. Then they would fill in the trench, and dig a trench on the other side.
One morning, local farmers called the sheriff to report a smashed-up pickup. Inside were two ranch hands who were last seen the previous night, heading home after last call. You see…

Merry Pranksters
On their way to the bars, the men had decided to play a prank. They stopped their pickup, and moved the flashing warning signs from the trenched side to the good side of the country road. Crime scene analysis later confirmed that they were the culprits who moved the flashing stands. Investigations also revealed that at the time of the accident, they were driving at an excessive speed with an impressive amount of alcohol in their systems.
No crime scene analysis is capable of determining whether the ranch hands forgot their prank, or chose to see what would happen if they hit that trench at a high rate of speed in the middle of the night.
No good prank goes unpunished.





46: 2007 Darwin Award Nominee-“Weight Lift”

3 03 2008

Confirmed True by Darwin        “Weight Lift”

(27 July 2007, Guadalajara, Mexico) 24-year-old Jessica was working out in the Provincia Hotel’s gym when she realized she needed something from the floor below. Instead of picking up the phone, using the intercom, or just walking downstairs, she decided that the open shaft of the industrial lift was the communications device for her.

So Jessica stuck her head into the empty shaft to shout to the people downstairs. And somehow, she missed noticing that the elevator was coming up towards her. If the elevator had been going down, one could say that she was in no position to observe the approaching lift. But, leaving aside the stupidity of sticking your head into an elevator shaft, if she was looking down, how could she miss the mass of metal inexorably headed her way?

Since an elevator cage and a skull are both solid objects, one had to give. Let’s just say, the elevator won. Jessica will be missed by her family, but not by the gene pool. (www.darwinawards.com)